There is no doubt I react when I bump into someone else’s agenda. Sometimes I withdraw and nurture indifference, pulling back from the interaction so I don’t have to deal with their expectation. Sometimes I respond defensively, using anger, judgement or reason to neutralize their agenda. Sometimes I try and negotiate the importance of their agenda, hoping a soothing use of humour or kindness or empathy will encourage them to allow my agenda to have a place alongside theirs. Sometimes I will make love, sometimes I will stand apart, and sometimes I will go to war, but what is certain is that when the music of agenda starts playing, the dance of passion is about to begin.
Sometimes I wonder if passion only lives because of agenda.
I have a friend who spent years battling false accusations and trumped-up charges that nearly destroyed his career, his relationships, and his reputation in the community. After seven long years of lawsuits and legal battles, he was exonerated. The courts awarded him a large settlement and his years of struggle were over. Today he is back to work, back in his home, back in the life he always wanted and worked so hard to achieve. And he tells me he is bored to death. “I learned to live in war,’ he says. “I don’t know how to live in peace anymore, or even if I want to.”
No agenda? Before we start wondering if it is possible, maybe we first need to decide what it is we really want.